FOLLOW ME

Thursday night, I bike to the MOMA to see BUNNY LAKE IS MISSING. The film was directed by Otto Preminger in the '60s.
(I briefly met his daughter (or grand daughter?) on Fire Island last summer. I took her photograph on a pier with some friends. I should post THAT picture.

BUNNY LAKE IS MISSING is a creepy suspense thriller in the same world as Psycho and What Ever Happened to Baby Jane.
The film is in black and white, the editing is arty and slow. They spent money (back then) on interesting art/commercial films.

The performances are deliberate and large. Lawrence Olivier working away showing how smart and talented he is. Keir Dullea (at first) so cleverly awkward, I thought he was giving a bad performance.

I love those plinking piano or organ-harpsichord sounds introduced as the film gets creepier. So... of that era. Also used in the Stepford Wives, if I remember correctly.

Then on...

Saturday Night I took myself to another film, a documentary, "The Wind Mill Movie" at the Film Forum.

A documentary about a wealthy, Harvard educated, filmmaker and teacher attempting to make an autobiographical documentary. We follow him through the lush protected Hamptons, the SOHO of the 70's and 80's, various exotic countries. Some of the photography is gorgeous (the tanning women of the Hamptons, the nubile girls of Boston) ... worth the price of a ticket. The narrative kept my attention, but like the filmmaker himself, I wasn't sure how his story added up. We only saw one of his films. He was an important filmmaker but this aspects wasn't really emphasized (to me). He came off as a lying and spoiled artist adrift (at times). He made 16 documentaries?

Even so, his personal story is worth following.

But what I related to (in myself) and to other films like this one (TARNATION for example) is...

what is Dick Rogers (the filmmaker) trying to keep, to hold, to experience, by turning the camera on himself?
What did he gain? And what did he lose? I mean, not everyone does this. Is it a decent way to lead your life?
How much are you in your life if you are continually filming it?

(I wonder... truly thinking about myself)

I have boxes of tapes and films and photographs of me... of my OWN stuff.

What are Dick and I trying to do?
What does it all mean?
(In the long term)

At the end of the documentary, Dick Rogers dies (brain cancer).

I was not prepared.

I remained in my movie-theatre seat with the other (fifteen to twenty) people sitting in the dark and follow his thoughts on the nature of death and the meaning of the end.

I (reluctantly) followed along.

I think he said something like,

"in the end there will be no spirit lurking about, no ghost or soul, just this flickering movie I've created so that I might briefly come to life like a sort of movie induced seance."

Better get on my own film. (I thought queasily)

He talked about there not being enough time to finish this film. (A student of his at Harvard finished it)

During the closing credits, I had the feeling I was in trouble, like I hadn't studied for an exam or forgot an important deadline.

I tottered out. Gotta get home. (For what?)

And except for my walk, I forget that I must look okay and healthy.

Because,

a foreign man, slightly handsome, slightly overweight, slightly European, followed me out into the lobby and said...

" you are experiencing pins and needles, is that right?"

(He noticed my tottering)

I nodded meekly, a breathy weak laugh, as if he'd said the cleverest thing.

"Oh yes, YES, that's right." (ha ha, ho ho) I offered lamely.

He (charmed and delighted) - "oh ... I haven't had that since I was a kid."

More lame laughter from me and the European disappeared past the popcorn stand towards the restrooms.

I exit the theater looking for my bike, looking behind me, looking at my reflection in a window, looking inside me to make sure that I am okay with the sad ending of the film, and looking (oh so briefly) through the large windowed doors of the movie theatre to see if the European was going to follow me.