CASE WORKER

“If you have some daily anguish from some cause that’s not really your fault — a rotten family, bad health, nowhere looks, serious money problems, nobody to help you, minority background (I don’t have that — a WASP — but I had other things), rejoice! These things are your fuel!

- Helen Gurley Brown

I read this quote from a review of a Helen Gurley Brown biography in the New York Times. I feel better. It gives me a lift. Like a strong cup of coffee.

I bike down to 1 800 Postcards near Canal street. We need more post cards for our short film!
I'll be driving to the University of Ohio on Friday to see a showing of the short.

A road trip to a Midwest University in Spring. I'm excited.

Another Feledenchrist session with Matty.
(By being in touch with your body and breath, you experience the moment with more clarity.

At work NYU calls about doing paid classroom work and...

I call that registered nurse back. I find out he's a case worker.
I find out it's a good thing to have a case worker. They help you organize your thoughts and help you come up with plan of action. They have access to resources.

When I get Richard on the phone,he tells me that he doesn't think I need a case worker quite yet (if I am going to work and biking around the city).

Now I'm trying to win him back.

He asks me about my walking and my living situation and my finances.
I'm plain and upfront.

My situation must sound pretty dour because he quickly agrees to open my case. Richard handles complex cases. He was going to push me off to a less serious case worker but after our mini-interview, he decides that he should be my case worker.

It concerned him that I live alone and have no immediate family near by. That I'm single.

(I find out Richard (who is calling from California) has never been to New York.

We decide that my next order of business is to get my living will in order. A priority.
He gives me the name of the website to go to for New Yorkers. yikes.

And, to get back to a PT. One that is in my network so that no extra charges are incurred.

I flirt with Jason at work, (a little). I take time out to do my foot exercises. I read The Heart of the Matter by Graham Greene.

I bike home and open my new laptop that came in the mail today and take that medication for the second night.

GUEST OF CINDY SHERMAN

In the morning I look over "Eric is Winning" on the web.
It makes me anxious. The little I read is all about toxic metals in products and living organically.
My apartment building was built over a chemical dump.

They still do testing for toxins.

I get a continual trail of smog-dirt from the Lincoln tunnel.
Should I get the hell out of here?

I call my friend Merrill and ask her if I should leave?
She is mildly irritated because I have always wondered about New York.
(After 9/11 I became a lifelong citizen)

We talk it out. I'll go to Key west for a couple of weeks to decompress. Drink herbal tea.
It's near my parents. I can do both in May.

At work. I am done with work. It is tiresome and stupid.
But Sally shows up and we smile and talk about art.

She tells me she saw the documentary, "Guest of Cindy Sherman" in the Village. It is finishing it's run this week.
I decide to go after work at 10pm.

I mean that’s why you live in New York, right?
You can go to a film at any time of night in any neighborhood and eat any kind of food.

I bike to the wrong theatre at 12th and 2nd but I have superb dumplings at Plump Dumpling on East 11th for $6.

I bike to the correct theatre on University and 12th.

"Guest of Cindy Sherman" is right up my alley. It's dishy, entertaining and mildly educating.
The movie reminds me that the city is a scene, and you either join the scene or you don't join the scene.

It startles me that what passes for glamorous New York City nostalgia is my recent past history.

Turns out, the art world is nonsense. Cindy Sherman is blessed. Her artwork is good but it is only AMAZING (to me) because the art scene made it iconic. When you see her work. the recognition factor warms your insides and you feel good and well fed. Because you recognize it. But her work is hit and miss (for me).

However, she is pretty and charming. Merryl Streepish in manner.

She followed her artistic impulse. This fires me up. No more trying to fit in. Create my own vision.

I begin taking the drug last night. It wasn't a problem. Just makes you sleepy.

MY GARDEN OVER THE LINCOLN TUNNEL SUNDAY APRIL 19