BLUE

I wield my walker through the men's locker room hanging onto towel hooks and doors handles to steady myself. I feel plucky. I imagine the guys in the locker room both pity and admire me.

(My slow, solemn movement isn't me. I'm acting a role).

I shower and use the steam room.

I have a couple of friends in the stream room. Tonight I see .... um .... his name is a simple word like "Here" or "Have" or "Then" or "Above." I can't remember it now. Let's say it's "Above".

"Above" is dark and Israeli and kind of good looking. He's walks around nude and is so relaxed about it, it eliminates any lewdness. There is nothing naked about his nudity.

"Above" is kind to me, almost ingratiating: a gigolo looking for his next mark.

"Charlie! Let me get that. Do you need help. Here hold onto me."

"It's okay I got it. Thank you. I'm sorry I forgot your name."

"It's Above. Like the word! It's Israeli. When you think of me, just think he's not below, he's Above!"

(He must have to say this over and over. I could learn a thing or two from Above's patient disposition. I go dead in the eyes when people ask me about my name, which isn't Charlie, which is something almost as trying as "Above".

"Above! Simple enough. I think I can remember that." (I guess it isn't because I can't remember his name for this blog entry).

"Hey, what's wrong with your voice?"

(I haven't seen Above in a couple of months and my voice is getting weird).

"Don't tell me this thing affects your voice?!"

"Yeah."

Above hangs on and waits for more. He's drawn to me. He wants to hash this out.

I let it hang . What else is there to be said?

"Is that an Israeli accent?"

"Yes it is. I was raised in Brooklyn but moved to Israel when I was twelve. I've spent most of my life in Israel. Are you Jewish?"

"No. I often get asked that. I'm christian. I'm mostly English. But one of my great grandfather's immigrated from Whales. Some people say that the Welsh are the lost tribe of Israel. Have you heard that?"

This delights Above.

"No I haven't. I haven't heard that Charlie but I like that. Charlie, can I ask you something about what's going on with you? You don't mind talking to people about it do you?"

"Well Above, let me put it this way. If I were the color blue, people would be questioning me about my color. I 'd have to talk about blue a lot. It gets tedious talking about blue. I just got off the phone talking about blue. I don't always want to talk blue. Let's talk about you. How are YOU, Above?"

"Well, now that you mention it, I'm feeling very angry. My girlfriend, it's not working. We fight.

I can't take it anymore. But it's her apartment. She's in charge. I don't know if I can keep this up. I feel silly talking about problems with my girlfriend sitting next to you."

After my sauna, I plant myself on the one bench and begin the process of dressing myself.

Above pops his head into the changing area and says,

"Charlie, good talking to you. Feel good."

"You too. And best of luck with your love life."

"My love life yes. I will. And Charlie?"

"Yes?"

"Don't be blue."