PAINTING ROCKS

Sunday morning, I biked down to church for the eleven o'clock service.
At first, I couldn't get my bike to work. I struggled with the throttle.
I imagined my day, making annoyed calls to the bike store on the upper east side, the cab ride up there with the bike tied down to the back of the taxi.
But before giving into hopelessness, I paused, and let last week's testimony to sink in.

One thing that they teach at the Christian Science Church is G-d's infinite harmony.
Clue into G-d and leg go, harmony is always there.

So, I let go of frustration and by bike eventually worked.
Biking down the west side highway, I was bugged that I would be too late.
But I only was five minutes late and my lateness allowed me to sit on the side sitting sideways facing the pews.
It was so cool and peaceful. I felt utterly relaxed.
I really listened to the readings and as I listened, I meditated and prayed.
I felt more connected and heard more than I usually do.
You see? Harmony prevailed.

I spent the rest of the day buying vitamins at GNC and Whole foods.
Later I tried a Chi Gong DVD and tried to do 10 minutes of vocal work.

I think I feel better.

I biked to the AVIS near me to see if they had a car that would fit my bike. I was sitting on it as I spoke to the guy in the Avis lot so he could clearly see what I needed.
He was so nice! ( so nice that I wonder if I reek of sadness) He took the time to show me what might work, pulling down front seats, opening up the hatch backs. I zoomed away happy.

I love New York City but I crave nature. I need an escape. I want to be sitting under an enormous maple tree, reading biographies, sipping wine, painting rocks.

The whole "Patients like Me" website is kind of a shock to my system, but as I hunt and gather on my electric bike, as I practice pysical and vocal exercises, as I pray and come in touch with an infinite universe created by a loving G-d (this creator, this source has to be loving because love (I would argue) is the basis of our existence, as I review all this, and access this hope I've always held for life, my creative life, my career, my connections to others, I feel like I'll be okay. I am trained in creative hope.

Sometimes I'm filled with rage, sometimes confusion, but not despair. I am made of faith and hope.