no deeper than that

My body is trickier and trickier.

This doesn't alarm me (exactly). I simply pile more things onto my "get better" list.

1. My feet are blue- buy a heated food massager.

2. I am exhausted - research Chi Gong.

3. My legs are weaker - buy a stationary bike.

4. My stomach muscles are lax- get a girdle.

I think.

I think as I have always thought.

My mind is a grayish maroon. My mind is continually on the edge of mild discomfort.

My mind is undisciplined. Along the way, my mind calls for action (large and small).

My mind is no deeper than that.

My mind circles - looking for a place to land - until sleep does the trick.

I think - I hope- this dimness will save me. My mind has kept my temperament in solid edgy

denial. Maybe the gray maroon will keep me from despair.

I have always held onto the idea of transformation. This idealistic grasping has led me on some dubious paths. It might help me now.

I sit a folding recliner chair (a Lafuma) in my apartment and face the Manhattan skyline.

I breath deeply.

I need transformation.

I need the magic formula.

I need the magic word.

My life depends on an answer to a riddle.

I not only have to figure out what the answer is, I have to figure out what the riddle is.

I was never bright. I didn't test well. But I enjoyed learning. Tutoring helped me enormously.

I need special help, now.

Is the answer, "There's no place like home"? or "To your own self be true" or "Reality's what you make of it" or " a rose is a rose is a rose" or "THIMK!"

Remember "Thimk!"