BELLA

It's around eleven in the morning and Jackie decides that she'll get me a new printer.

My new printer died yesterday. I've had it three months? I spent a couple of hours with tech support in India. They won't fix it or send me a new one because there is no record of my purchase.

Jackie's not having it. Jackie gets a "don't f-ck with me" thing going - like she's psyching herself up for a gang fight.

I tell Jackie not to worry about it. I'll throw it out and buy a new one (add to the e-waste) or I'll just cab to Staples to make copies. I can't spend my days on the phone with tech support in India.

"Well I can."

Jackie won't be stopped. She gathers pertinent information, date of purchase, model number, credit card used, and leaves without saying goodbye to me or the cat.

Two hours later I'm making lunch - she pops her head in the kitchen and says "I've been on the phone with CBS news. They have a consumer reporter there. I told them about you. They're all over it."

I sigh, "Jackie, I don't want to be on TV."

"Don't YOU worry about it. I'll be on TV!"

She shakes her head and keeps her voice strong and loud -like she's channeling Bella Abzug,

"You think they're gonna get away with this? You think that the CEO of Kodak isn't out for drinks right this very minute with some girl friend? Avoiding calls? You thinks he cares if he's stealing money from people ... daily? No. This has got to stop. I won't let it happen. We'll have CBS over there at their offices on Park Avenue. This is going to be on the news!"

Jackie leaves and I smirk and wonder what have I done.

And then I begin my own tirade. I try to get my medication.

My rage button is pushed when I call my insurance company. I can't help but hate the people I talk to on the phone. I try to remind myself that they're just making a living.

But the system is so sadistic I despise them for working for there.

I am an a--hole on the phone. And, it's justified. I rant. And because of my invective wrath, I get the medication. And for some reason, this time? It's cheaper. (Shouldn't there be a set price?)

I've been without my medication for weeks because they said (again) I lacked proper paper work. I said "I can't possibly understand what more you need. I've been getting it for a year. You have all my paper work. You gave it to me last month. I got you the paper work (again) last month, and now this month, the paper work is no good? Do I need to hire a lawyer to get this medication?

The representative has a script. At the end of the call she asks,

"Mr Roberts. Would you like me to put you in touch with a pharmacist who could explain to you the ramifications of not taking your medication?"

"You have been denying me this medication off and on for months. It is the only medication available to me. I know what will happen when I don't take this medication. I will die sooner. "

When I get off the phone, I feel hungover from rage. I'm spent. I feel seedy for revealing my emotional range to a stranger with a southern accent in an unknown state.

I sit with my head in my hands.

And then Jackie struts into my bedroom office, triumphant and high on life.

"You'll have a new printer and two new ink cartridges in five business days! Now I gotta go have a cigarette."